In America, industrial-lit hospitals are filled to the brim with sick, gaunt people who cannot pay for their healthcare. Once they get out, they live in an even deeper state of poverty and depression due to their debt. 

That’s because medical insurance does not cover healthcare costs for millions of Americans. A study conducted by the RAND Corporation found that low-income individuals receive less healthcare because they have to make copayments to the insurance company. Not only that, some procedures aren’t covered in the first place, leaving sick people with enormous hospital bills. More than 100 million Americans carried debt from obtaining healthcare in 2022. In addition, those who don’t have medical insurance are sent into debt as soon as they acquire an ailment. These people struggle to provide for their families. Another serious problem: 26,000 Americans die from a lack of healthcare each year according to National Public Radio.

We have been deliberating this issue for years now and have decided on the most cost-effective solution. Our proposal is to take all the people who are in debt from medical costs or those who simply cannot pay them and strip them for parts! We will salvage the good and healthy bits and package them for a limited-time auction on the market. 

Sadly, to buy this option you must be the best and brightest of society: the 1%. For the other 99%, it must seem difficult knowing you cannot pay for your liver medicine, but rest easy knowing your vivid blue eyes will live on the face of the next Elon Musk! Now that’s something to look forward to. 

For you wealthy people out there, this option is even cheaper than plastic surgery. Now that’s a good deal. What’s the point of letting sick people live in an impoverished state instead of providing for those who really need it: extremely rich people who already have excellent health care? 

This solution benefits all of those involved. The diseased-ridden citizens get to live out their true purpose, to be nothing more than cash cows for ultra-wealthy people and innovative medical companies. Families who used to have to pay for medical costs for their elderly family members can now live debt-free after their grandparents’ death. Hospitals will no longer be contaminated with poor fathers of four who need their heart medicine but can’t afford it. Instead, we will just throw away that useless heart and chop off those desirable, juicy, muscular dad limbs, built from years as a loving father.

Some may argue that the government should increase public health programs, but who wants the government in their life? Although they would provide affordable healthcare, who wants to deal with higher taxes or the hassle of filling out hospital paperwork? The American population simply doesn’t want to be taken care of by politicians elected by a majority of voters based on policies they support. Our solution is simply easier and more trustworthy. We promise with a 100% guarantee that rich people will use you! Forget multi-paged hospital paperwork filled with legal jargon. All you have to worry about is signing one line forfeiting your right to life.

So say goodbye to the millions of people going into debt and the thousands dying due to poor healthcare. With our proposal, the problem is no more.