Eight million tons of leaves end up in landfills each year as a result of raking and bagging them during the fall, according to National Public Radio. Additionally, annual sales of leaf blowers approach $2 million, while annual sales of rakes are closer to $4 million, according to The New York Times. The average amount of time it takes to fully rake a lawn is about one hour, and if raking at the recommended intervals (every three to four days), individuals are losing approximately 22.5 hours every fall to this task. Are we willing to fight this awful injustice?

This is all without mentioning the effect dead leaves have on our lawns. That’s right, not only are these burdens taking our money, time and space in landfills, but they are negatively impacting the health and beauty of the communities right in front of us. When leaves fall in the autumn, they damage the perfectly manicured, fertilized, pesticide-filled, GMO-supported grass we’ve worked all summer to maintain. The valuable time and money we spend on pumping our majestic lawns with chemicals and insecticides is all put to waste when tampered with by these evil little
chloroplast-deficient vessels of death. The health of our lawns, and as a result, the environment, is at risk every autumn. We need to save the planet, and in order to do so, something needs to be doneabout these leaves.

This is why we here at the SBLGA propose a solution for communities suffering under this awful arboreal regime: chopping down neighborhood trees. This would prevent the harmful effects of fallen leaves from wreaking havoc on the natural beauties of our manufactured lawns, and save the next generation from a dying planet. This is the most logical solution, which is why we invite as many American communities as we can to join this initiative. Benefits of the chopping project will accrue in lawns across the nation, restoring and preserving the natural North American beauty we have so sadly forgotten about. Also, children growing up in treeless communities will learn the importance of manicuring their lawns for the betterment of the environment and the avoidance of more pesky leaves in landfills. After all, those landfills are for the plastic fertilizer containers!

Still not convinced? Communities uninterested in joining this initiative could opt to provide citizens with corrosive fluids to disintegrate fallen leaves on affected lawns. This would allow for small minded, non-environmentally conscious citizens the option to continue to enjoy all of the harmful oxygen providing trees–which litter our lawns and take money from AC manufacturers–with- out impacting the initiative. This brings us to the next obvious benefit of the plan: it saves money. No more hard-earned cash spent on rakes, leaf blowers, and unnecessary upkeep of public trees. This will surely allow us as a nation to focus efforts on environmentally restorative operations and, of course, the purchasing of precious additives for our lawns.

Some people believe that just leaving the leaves on their lawns is a solution to the problem. People even assume that composting is an effective way to reduce leaf weight. However, compostingonly creates more dirt, whichmight make your artificial lawn unappealing to the eye. Furthermore, leaves can take up to two years to completely decompose. We have already tried different ways to get rid of leaves, and all of them just seem to make our environment uglier. After all, we want our earth to be pretty. I challenge others to find a solution to the problem other than cutting down trees. So far, it seems to be the only option.