Poverty is a plague in our country. In fact, 12.4% of Americans live below the poverty line, about 42.3 million people, with more than half a million of those people being completely homeless.

I doubt that anybody would argue with me if I said that these poor unfortunate souls really deserve a chance at a better life; they’re people just like us, after all. The question is, where do they get that chance? I know you wouldn’t expect it from the CEO of a designer boot company, but I’m happy to say that I have just the answer!

We all know that hard work is the only thing that breeds true success. I’m especially familiar with this idea. I actually had quite humble beginnings; my family and I lived in a meager two-story mansion with just a couple of cars, a small backyard pool and a pony to our name.

Despite my circumstances, I decided to take a risk and start my own business. With an initial investment of a mere couple of million dollars, I worked tirelessly to hire people to work towards making my dream of a successful business come true. And look where all their hard work got me!

My point is that if everyone living in poverty decided to put their mind to something and work just a little harder, they could really turn their lives around, just like I did. They should start following the common saying that I’m sure they’ve been hearing forever: they should pick themselves up by their bootstraps.

This is where my solution comes in. I imagine it’s almost impossible to pick yourself up by your bootstraps if your boots only have one or two. So we’re going to be the first designer boot company to think outside the box and make our main goal to give boots as many straps as possible! We’ve already patented our cutting-edge 16-strap design, and I only intend to add more.

You may ask, “How can your innovative, chic, designer boots be affordable to the poor people you’re trying to help?” Sure, their premium leather, sturdy straps and incredibly large embroidered logo mean the boots aren’t exactly affordable. But we have to sacrifice something, too. The added strap material means we have to pay more to make each boot, so we have to raise the price to make sure we get a solid profit. But I think that the price tag will motivate poor people to bite the bullet, go get a job and work hard to buy our boots so they can finally have their miracle solution ASAP!

Those opposed to my silver bullet have had much to say. They cry, “Why don’t you just give poor people money?” “How is offering them an unaffordable product any help?” “This is just another way for a money-hungry CEO to exploit people’s struggles for profit!”

I think these people have such a skewed view of what the real world is like. First of all, CEOs are very honorable individuals who always have the best interests of their consumers at heart. Secondly, we can’t just coddle poor people by giving them money. How will that motivate them to get their ducks in a row and get back on track? I, who had to work so hard to get to where I am, would never have made it if I were comfortable and coddled the way some suggest poor people should be.

To conclude, I really do think that people in poverty should be helped. My heart goes out to them. At the same time though, they won’t benefit if we help them too much; give a man a fish and all that. This is why my solution is perfect. Our multi-strapped boots will definitely make things easier, but if they end up not working, that’s really poor people’s fault and not ours.