American politics are terrible. The two-party system, which is supposedly in place for political stability and government efficiency, has only led to extreme polarization and caused little bipartisan cooperation.
Every day media sources purposely pit people against one another, creating hate that stems merely from disagreement. Politicians are even more guilty, using their platform not for unity, but to radicalize their supporters as much as possible to make voting for the other side inconceivable.
It can be agreed that America is more divided than ever. It can also be agreed that technology is progressing at an unprecedented rate, and to not use it is foolish. So what if we harnessed our powerful tech and used it to make people finally agree? Well, you’re only one slightly invasive procedure away.
Introducing Connectlink©, the only neurochip that puts people on the same page. This chip, which will be implanted into the prefrontal cortex of all Americans, will use electricity to gently correct opinions. Powered by Meta AI and Palatir software, these chips will detect thoughts made by its user, and provide an array of zaps to brain regions to either punish or award correct or incorrect thinking.
For example, if someone had a terrible, disgusting, uneducated opinion about our government and its actions, Connectlink© would give a sharp zap to sensory receptors of the brain, preventing any negative speech or opinions from arising before they even leave their mouths. And this would work vise versa, rewarding correct views and thinking with electronic stimulation of pleasure receptors.
Critics of Connectlink© believe that this obstructs our First Amendment rights, but since the launch of Connectlink©, such critics have actually come to agree with us. This technology is truly a blessing. Just imagine a world where bad actions and viewpoints are snubbed at the source, before people can even begin to disagree with one another or the government, before they can be used to hurt the politicians and CEOs that love and care for us!
But our developers aren’t done.
Our new products, Clearview© and Hearwise©, will revolutionize the way people see and hear the world. Have you ever seen something that you weren’t supposed to? Ever watched a video or heard a speech that made you question something? Clearview© will be planted into the optic nerve, to provide realtime censorship of unpleasant sights. Hearwise©, will work similarly, providing subtle “bleeps” to cover up incorrect sounds and speech.
Further, these BCI’s can be used for more than just detection, but can also be used to transmit cognitive information. This data, taken from the brains of Americans, will be used by the government and sold to American corporations to help solve the national debt. Companies have long had problems knowing what their customers want, but this tech will completely solve the issue of targeted advertising, by showing you exactly what you want.
But how, you might ask, will data from 340 million chips go from inside every American’s head to processing centers and back? Look no further than the 5G data towers that are able to provide coverage for all Americans.
What ideas and opinions are considered “incorrect?” The wrong ones, obviously.
But what if a user is stubborn, unwilling to change their ways? We at Connectlink© want you to know that your safety and well-being is our number two priority. Hence, a special setting will be used to finally “cleanse” your mind of these nasty thoughts, like a factory reset, so that you are finally free of their influence.
In fact, I tested out Connectlink©, at my own family’s Thanksgiving dinner, implanting everyone but me for research purposes. In my trial, I presented a political debate with my relatives, to which they all began convulsing; but, eventually, the conversation shifted and everyone had a great time, with most of my relatives being so happy that they sat in silence, finally able to enjoy Thanksgiving.
Connectlink© and its products are the future for America, and its preventative means will ensure the safety, well-being and cooperation of all who are implanted.